The Martrix
by deshem
Summary: The Matrix in complete Mariostyle! See what poor Mario is put through in the Martrix with his counterparts Toadpheus and Peachinity.


**THE MARTRIX**

**The Koopa's cocked their shells in preparation. They edged their way around the deserted, abandoned building, making their way to a particular door. Having found it they kicked it open. "FREEEEZE!" exaggerated the main Koopa. A pretty, young girl slowly raised her arms. "DON'T MOVE!" yelled the Koopa, pointing his shell at her. The girl rolled her eyes. The girl was called Peachinity, a kick-ass, beautiful woman who doesn't leave her palace without an umbrella firmly in her hand. The Koopa started to put handcuffs on, but Peachinity attacked. She struck the Koopa on the neck with her umbrella, then leaped in the air and planted a kick square into his nuts. The Koopa squealed and was thrown back onto a pile of other Koopa's. Peachinity rushed out the door. She picked up her Mushroom Cell Phone and dialled. "Yello?" replied a rather squeaky voice. "Toadpheus!" squealed Peachinity. "How do I get out of here?" "There's a bed of flowers," replied Toadpheus. "On the corner of… you know where those two huge wooden planks are?" "Yes." She sighed. "In between there, there is a bed of flowers. And hurry, Bowser's are coming." Peachinity looked behind her and indeed, the Bowser's were coming in all their smug glory. Peachinity tore off. There were a couple of Goomba's in her way but she knocked them aside, collecting coins on her way. She ran and ran until there was a dead end. She opened her umbrella and leapt off the balcony, slowly floating to the other side. Luckily Disney weren't around and therefore couldn't sue her for the Mary Poppins copyright infringement. She landed on the other side and continued running. The Bowser's began to get frustrated. Peachinity ran and ran, hopefully having lost them, and threw herself into a window and rolled down the stairs, ending up at the end of the staircase. She whipped out two fire flowers and hesitated. No response. She slowly picked herself up and leapt out towards the bed of flowers. When on the ground, she changed the camera angle furiously. "Wooden planks, wooden planks…" she grumbled. Suddenly, a noise. The Bowser's were revving up their shells. Peachinity raced to the bed of flowers and waited patiently for it to morph her out of there. She morphed just in time and the bed of flowers was immediately crushed from the Bowser's impact. "Damn," said Bowser. The two Baby Bowser's nodded agreeingly.**

**Mario was slumped on his desk, his Gameboy blaring in front of him and he was covered with Playboy Magazines and empty Pizza boxes. He wore an old tattered top and patched jeans. He snored loudly. Suddenly, the game on his Gameboy was interrupted. Mario awoke at the sound of a little typing noise. He picked up the Gameboy and carefully examined the screen. "Wake up, Mario…" it said. Mario scowled. "Damn-a technology," he complained. "My Gameboy, she does-a not need an alarm." The typing continued though. "Do you know what the Martrix is, Mario?" Mario was confused. He couldn't find any keys on his Gameboy and therefore couldn't reply. "Ah… no?" he said to himself. The Gameboy replied, "Follow the white Goomba…" Mario scowled again, and then suddenly there was an exaggerated banging on his front door. Mario fell off his seat. He collected himself, and cursing, he staggered towards the door and opened it. There stood Sonic, Pac-Man and Donkey Kong. "Aw, not-a now guys…" moaned Mario. "Come on, ya bum" muttered Sonic. "Pac-Man found a new eating joint. Got a few ghosts around, but apparently he can handle it. You wanna come with?" Mario sighed, but then he caught sight of a Brown Goomba tattooed In DK's flea-ridden fur. "Yeah, okay." Said Mario. "Doesn't look like I have much of a choice-a."**

**Everyone was having a great time at Pac-Man's, except for the Ghosts, and Mario. He sighed yet again. What a miserable existence I have, he thought to himself. He looked around the room. "CHUG, CHUG, CHUG!" laughed everyone as Pac-Man devoured an insane amount of the Large "Tiny Ball Meal" he had ordered. He looked around more still, and then unexpectedly he caught sight of the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. She wore a black, leather skirt/dress and had sunglasses on. Her hair was in a pigtail. She looked fantastic! Mario sputtered, "Hello-a!" Peachinity looked very serious. The expression in her face was solid. Mario thought it was pretty awkward. Peachinity grabbed the back of Mario's neck with the hook of her umbrella and whispered into his ear, "I know who you are, Mario. And I know you have questions." The only real question Mario had was "Are you wearing any panties?" but he kept that to himself. "Do you want to know what the Martrix is, Mario?" Mario nodded. "OK, that's all I needed to know, thanks." She quickly walked out before he could say anything. Mario shrugged and accepted it.**

**Mario went to work the next day. He was a plumber and he hated it. Today he had to go to some guy named "Marty Arishnacofe"'s house and fix his clogged toilet. Mario sighed and approached the bathroom. He started pumping rapidly using his plunger. He thought about the whole Peachinity occurrence. "What was all that about?" he thought to himself as he removed the shit. He wiped sweat off his forehead, it was a tough job. Marty walked in. "Hey some guy left this here for you," he said to Mario and gave him a nicely built yellow cardboard box with a "?" on it. "Thanks." Said Mario and he tore the box open. There was a Mushroom cellphone inside. It immediately rang and the ringtone was the delightful Super Mario theme. Mario answered slowly. "Yello?" he said. "It's Toadpheus." Said the voice on the other end. "You must follow my directions." "Wrong number, probably." Said Mario. He hung up the phone and laughed to himself for a second. The next second he was in custody with Bowser and his two Baby Bowser's. "Shit." Said Peachinity as she saw him being shoved into Bowser's shell and rode off in the reflection of her umbrella handle, and opened the umbrella and flew off towards them.**

**Mario sat uncomfortably in a small room. He tended to get claustrophobic at times so he wished the whole thing would hurry up. In slowly walked the biggest thing Mario had ever seen: Bowser. He sat down with an evil look on his face, wearing his XXL sunglasses and his XXXXXXL Suit. "Mr. Mario." Said Bowser with a smug look on his face yet again. Mario started to get a bit annoyed. "Boston." "Bowser." corrected Bowser angrily. "I know about you Mario. You have several homosexual tendencies, you apparently try on women's clothing sometime..." "What in the hell are you-a talking about?" "..Oh. Sorry." Bowser sniffed. "Wrong file." He placed Luigi's file back in the filing cabinet and picked up Mario's. "Lessee. Ah, yes, Mario. You lead a double life. In one life you are Mario Mario, a plumber for your family business. In another life you are… Mario Mario. Same person, no life. Anyway, you may have recently been contacted by someone named Toadpheus?" "Yeah." Said Mario. "What's it to ya?" "You're obviously an intelligent man Mr. Mario who's just had a bad start. We're willing to wipe the slate clean, give you a fresh start, and all we ask is your assistance in bringing a well-known terrorist to justice. What do you say, Mazza? …Do you mind if I call you that by the way? Mazza? That sound good to you?" "Uh, yeah, it's good." Said a confused Mario. "The aforementioned sounds-a like a good deal. But I've got a better one." Suddenly Bowser sneezed and the table between them turned to firewood. "Sorry." Sniffed Bowser and he reached for his handkerchief. "How about I give you the finger?" He stuck it up in Bowser's face. "And you give me my phone call?" Bowser sneezed again and a fire started up. "You know what, just take him boys, I may have a virus here." Bowser ran out the room, setting alight everything as he walked out. The Baby Bowser's grabbed Mario by force and threw him onto the ground. Holding him down, they grabbed a Lakitu Bro (The cloud guys with the cameras who have shells) and shrunk it into a capsule. They ripped off his shirt and the next thing he knew he was awake in bed. "Woah-a," he sighed. "Woah-a"**

**Mario wasn't feeling up to any more weird stuff happening. He wanted to ignore his intense thirst for knowledge and return to his piles of Playboy's and discarded pizza boxes with cheese still stuck to the bottom. The phone suddenly rang. Mario groaned and picked it up. "It's-a me, Mario," he sighed into the phone. "The line is tapped so I must be brief," replied an all too familiar voice. "Do you want to meet me, Mario?" "Sorry, I'm-a not into guys." "Not into…" Mario sensed that his co-speaker was not impressed. Mario quickly chirped up, "Uh, but I'm-a sure you had something else in mind." "Yes." Replied Toadpheus. "Meet me under the warp pipes in your level. Got it?" Mario hung up, knowing that replying would only waste valuable words. He whipped on his overalls and ran outside in the freezing cold. He finally reached the aforementioned area, and waited patiently until the largest kart Mario had even seen pulled up next to him. It was more of a car, covered with shell and very large. A side of the shell shifted open, and Mario got in. There were quite a few people in the car. The one Mario took the most interest in, however, was Peachinity, the beautiful woman he'd met at Pac-Man's earlier. "Take off you overalls," she said in what seemed to Mario like quite a hurry. "Geez, are you sure, I mean, we just me-" "TAKE 'EM OFF!" yelled Peachinity, pointing a gun to Mario's head, and Mario manically tore his overalls off, revealing his bare chest. Peachinity got an interesting vacuum device that apparently has also been used to suck up ghosts. "Stay still." She commanded Mario. Mario grumbled. What a first date. Suddenly, the machine started sucking full blast, and before Mario knew what was happening, the Lakitu Bros. from the rather disturbing incident earlier shot out of his stomach and into the machine. "SHIGERU MIYAMOTO, THAT THINGS REAL!" yelled Mario in a state of shock. The kart drove off, and Peachinity dropped the remains of the Lakitu Bros out the window. It was now a coin, and it slowly died in the gutter.**

**They finally reached the destination point. Mario was officially scared. After entering a worn-out castle, they climbed and climbed the stairs (Mario hopping up enthusiastically) until they finally reached a door. In they entered to a cosy little room, where the thunder was striking. He around the room, trying to find the person they were after, to no avail. Suddenly he heard a squeaky little voice remark, "Mario! So we finally meet!" Mario looked around at an intense speed, not being able to find his target. Finally, he looked down towards the ground, and finally spotted his tiny counterpart, Toadpheus. He was wearing a suit and sunglasses, very unoriginally, and ushered Mario to a toadstool directly opposite his own stool. They sat, looking intensely at each other. "Do you believe in fate, Mario?" squeaked Toadpheus. Mario thought about it for a second. "Mmm, no." he replied. "Is it because you can't stand the thought that live is planned ahead of you?" predicted Toadpheus with a smug "I'm-so-right" face. Mario shook his head. "No-a, I simply think it's a load of shit." Toadpheus' eyes opened quite widely at this response. Peachinity, standing in the corner, tried to mask her enjoyment. Toadpheus cleared his throat, and indicated towards a few items on a smaller toadstool between them. "This is a difficult choice, Mario," stated Toadpheus very seriously. He picked up two of the items, one in each hand, then said clearly, opening his left hand first and revealing a red mushroom, "If you take the red mushroom," he said, "I show you how far the warp pipe goes." Mario listened carefully, taking it in. "And if you take the blue mushroom," he continued, opening his right hand, "you die." Mario look confused. "I just die?" "Yes." He sighed, picked up the red mushroom, and took it. He felt a burst of energy. Toadpheus smiled, and ushered him out of the rather cozy room.**

**CHAPTER TWO SOON**

**Please leave any comments or suggestions! **


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